Downsizing a Loved One's Home with Your Relatives
None of us chose our relatives, which means there are likely to be some family members who simply do not jive well together. Yet, sometimes life throws us into situations where we have an obligation to be respectful to family members we maybe wouldn’t choose to connect with otherwise. Downsizing a loved one’s home after a passing is one of those times. While you can’t change who you’re working with, you can make the process smoother (and maybe even a little less stressful) with a focused approach. Here are 5 tips for navigating the downsizing of your loved ones’s home with your relatives.
1. Select a Leader
From the start, agree on how decisions will be communicated and who will be the point person for updates. There may be a natural leader who emergers or perhaps out of respect it needs to be the closest relative to the deceased. Either way, someone needs to be in charge.
2. Clarify the Goal
Depending on your specific group, family dynamics can be tricky, especially during emotionally charged situations like downsizing a loved one’s belongings. Before diving in, make sure everyone agrees on a clear goal. Whether it’s to divide items fairly or prepare the house for sale, having a shared objective helps keep things on track. When old grievances resurface (because they probably will), you can all refocus by reminding each other of that goal.
3. Prioritize Open and Respectful Communication
You would think this is a given, but it’s simply not with every family. Clear and respectful communication is key to navigating the downsizing process smoothly. This helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures that everyone stays informed.
It’s also important to recognize that emotions will run high—this is a deeply personal and often stressful process. Make space for everyone to express their feelings, and approach each conversation with empathy and patience. If things start to get tense, take a break and come back to the decision when everyone has had a chance to cool down.
4. Create Agreements from the Start
Agreement Examples
What if two relatives want the same family heirloom?
Who receives the proceeds if items are sold?
Who is responsible for donating items?
What is the timeline for removing items from the home?
If cash is found in the house, how is it distributed?
Building upon the recognition of high emotions, it’s important to create a framework for dispute/conflict resolution upon which eveyone agrees to adhere before you jump into the extensive process of downsizing your loved ones belongings. You’ll be thankful for having laid out this structure in advance when day two rolls around, and there’s a heated debate over who gets the Tiffany lamp. Since the key is to achieve the goal laid out in step two addressing how you will collectively nevigate the tough decisions up front is of great import. This way when (not if) conflicts come up, you’re not scrambling for a solution and developing further familial rifts/resentments for the future.
5. Assign Specific Tasks to Everyone
Start off on the right foot by giving everyone a role that plays to their strengths. Those who can’t physically be present, but want to be involved, can perhaps handle administrative tasks, like setting up a spreadsheet for inventory or arranging bulk item pickups with local charities.
When everyone has a job, it reduces the chances of arguments over who’s doing what and helps things run more smoothly. Don’t discount the kids. They are amazing helpers when given specific To-Dos.
Grief over your collective loss can derail progress and will likely hit at unexpected and inconvenient times for each relative. Be patient with each other. Implementing these steps will help you to create clear plan from the start and can save a lot of heartache. The ultimate goal with organizing the process is to help you navigate the downsizing of your loved one’s home with a bit more peace. Who knows…maybe by the end you’ll even enjoy your Uncle Carl —or at the very least, have a greater appreciation for his memories of your loved one too.